In fairness, I watched Christmas pass without the usual melodrama which I feared was beginning to enjoy its presence in my life.
My recollection of my previous Christmases was not really a happy picture I could hang on the wall. I was either heartbroken or cold or indifferent. Last year, I was dumped by the man I was supposed to marry. But thats already an old story.
So much has happened this year. Great things which totally rocked my world in a beautiful way. Things which I sometimes take as lifes way of making me forget the point where I almost stopped seeing meaning in going through another day. Things which at the end of the day would just make me feel thankful for trusting that everything really happens for a reason. I may not have become the wife — the woman Ive always dreamt of being this year but Ive tasted independence in my lips. Ive been to 12 countries, enjoyed a very worthwhile experience in each country and gained valuable lessons in life. I went home 5 kilos heavier, but my perspective expanded exponentially. I liked every inch of it.
But you know what, at the back of my head, I am nagged by a single question. Which would I have picked had I been given a choice— my wedding or my European experience? And I am surprised at myself for even hesitating for a minute there. I was actually thinking how much I would have missed had I indeed tied the knot last Dec 8.
What does this hesitation tell me? That I could actually give up the chance to be with him forever for 6 months in Frankfurt? That Id choose career over love? Or could it be that my love for him wasnt as strong as I thought? My love for him wasnt as solid, as my dream?
Honestly my answer would have been different had I was asked before he left me. Had I been asked to go to Germany when we were still so in love, I would have said NO right away. I loved him so much that time, I wouldnt have had the courage to leave, and welcome a very big distance between us. Had I been given that choice last year, my answer would be to stay with him.
But as you know, he was the one who left me first. I should let that old story end here.
Let me just go back to the fact that I have every reason to be thankful this year.
It was like having a very bad tooth extracted. Soon I will forget losing that tooth. And then I will forget the pain.
I am just thankful for having my life, my family and my friends. I may have spent Christmas being single again, but you know, the reasons to smile never end.
maluwees 